Have you ever faced a leadership moment so challenging that it changed your entire approach? For me, that moment came in 1994, leading a group of young people to a remote village in Belize.🌴 What started as an idealistic community service project and cultural exchange quickly spiraled into a nightmare.
The Crisis Unfolds
Within days of our arrival:
- We were robbed of essential belongings.
- Cultural misunderstandings bred mistrust with local leaders.
- Three team members fell ill with malaria.
As I sat by their sickbeds, I sought to create an emotional bond with the team. But instead of bringing us closer, I felt the distance widening. Then came the words that hit me like a lightning bolt:
“We need to do something—and quick! We can’t be just sitting on our asses!” ⚡️
In that moment, I realized my desire to be empathetic, caring, and liked was not only insufficient—it was unwanted. I resorted to sheer force of will to keep us together and finish the project. 💪
Yes, we got results and made it home safely. But at what cost? The relationships I’d worked so hard to build were fractured beyond repair. 💔 In the end, I focused solely on being seen as strong, but strength without connection left us divided.
The Missing Piece: Stoic Detachment
It was only later that I realized what I had been missing—an approach that could have helped me manage my emotions, be who I needed to be, and focus on what truly mattered. 🙏.
Stoic detachment: The ability to focus on what I could control and let go of emotional reactivity. This ancient philosophy teaches us to maintain equanimity in the face of challenges, allowing for clearer thinking and decision-making.
This concept, foreign to me then, now represents who I aspire to be as a leader. Had I known about it during the Belize crisis, I might have been able to navigate the challenges more effectively. But what matters is the here and now. 🌈
Here & Now: Stoic Detachment as a Path to Deeper Connection
The lessons from Belize stayed with me, shaping my leadership journey. As a cofounder of two businesses in Tokyo, I’ve discovered that practicing Stoic Detachment can increase intimacy and connection in leadership. 🌟
Looking back at my experience in Belize, I see how practicing Stoic Detachment could have helped me lead with clarity and purpose during that crisis. Today, it allows me to build trust and foster genuine connections without being swayed by emotional reactivity. This approach requires:
- Focusing solely on what we can control 💫
- Aligning decisions with our higher purpose 💫
- Setting aside personal agendas 💫
In practice, this might look like:
- During tense conversations, focusing on how you want the situation to play out for everyone – for instance, “I would like us to leave the room feeling better about ourselves and each other” rather than simply focusing on yourself and reacting emotionally. 💡
- In team conflicts, focusing on how you want relationships to develop—for example, “I want us to emerge from this disagreement with stronger mutual understanding and respect”—rather than posturing and concentrating on being seen as right or in charge. 💡
- When facing business setbacks, focusing on how you want the situation to unfold—such as maintaining a positive team morale and finding opportunities for growth—rather than reacting impulsively to stress. 💡
The lessons from that challenging experience in Belize have profoundly shaped my leadership journey. They serve as a constant reminder of how the power of Stoic Detachment can create lasting, meaningful connections. 🌱
“Isn’t it fascinating how the more we let go, the closer we become? Detachment, paradoxically, deepens intimacy.” 🤔
What leadership crisis have you faced where emotional reactivity got the better of you? How might Stoic Detachment have changed the outcome? Please share your story in the comments! 🙏,
Andrew Shaffer MCC
